Just got through looking at some pictures of my nieces. “Ugh they are so beautiful”, I say to myself. I think back to how much fun I have when I’m with Mariah, my oldest niece. She is hilarious and says the darndest things. She is independent. Strong. So loving. So smart. I think to myself, “I love this girl so much”.
Caleigh, my second oldest niece, she too is something. Intelligent, gorgeous, adorable. When I see her pictures I see a leader. A girl with influence. A talented dancer and a pure heart after God. And seeing these things in her make me so proud to be her Aunt. Gosh I love this little girl!
Cadence: Handsome. Funny. Definitely one of a kind. Now learning to talk more, I find myself more and more excited as he learns new words and tries his best to communicate via Skype. When I see him, I think, “I just want to hug him so tight and give him a huge kiss. I just love him”.
Then comes Serenity. I held her for the first time just 1 week before returning to Bolivia. Newborn baby, gorgeous, so fragile (scary to hold if I’m being honest). Perfect eyes, skin, fingers, toes, ears, smile, perfect everything. As I held her I became overwhelmed with emotion. I loved her at that moment. Here is this innocent baby. She has an entire life to live and it’s the responsibility of a family to guide her in the right direction. Wow, such pressure. This is a huge responsibility. I am not ready for this.
I love these short but precious and unforgettable moments in life.
So when my family saw how happy I was with a newborn in my arms, they all naturally asked, “So when are you and Romon having children”. Our response for years has always been, “In two years”. That is our plan and we were sticking to it…..so we thought.
Little did we know I was about 4 weeks pregnant at the time. So now, the feelings of holding a new-born, raising a child, helping shape its morals and views in life, being responsible for a life has become even more real. Even more frightening. I looked over at Romon a few days ago and told him, “I’m scared. What if I’m not a good mom? What if I don’t know what to do?” He responded in an ever so confident voice, “You’ll figure it out”. To some that may seem harsh. To some, not very comforting at all. But to me, it was just what I needed to hear. I will figure it out as do all moms. If one method of doing something doesn’t work out, who says we can’t change our method? Parenting, something I’ve dreaded and wanted to avoid for as long as possible, has become a subject of special interest. A daily focus. I mean, I follow Parenting Magazine on Twitter now. Who knew?
I thank God that the process of growing a child takes 9/10 months. I need every bit of that time to pray, read, ask around, educate myself on this matter. In reality, I am learning now as I take those huge prenatal pills, as I remember to drink 2-3 glasses of milk per day and so on, that being a mother requires selflessness. I’m excited. I’m already in love with this miracle that is growing inside of me and can’t wait to meet him/her. If I felt that being and Aunt was the best, I wonder how much greater will it be to be a mother?
Ps. I can’t forget my nephew London born Oct. 6, 2011. I have not had the chance to meet him yet. Believe me, not being there for his birth seemed like a sin. But without even meeting him I instantly love him. So crazy. I can’t even imagine the feeling of meeting my own child for the first time and holding him/her in my arms. Whoa!